You know it’s July . . .

When it’s 80 degrees at dawn. Whew. The dogs all got out for their morning walk, but I think that’s it. Supposed to get up over 100 degrees today. The heat’s like a wall when you open the door — even though I keep my air conditioner set at 78 or 79 or even 80 degrees. No, the dogs can just amble out into the yard and back in for the rest of the day: no dashing around in the arboretum this evening. Sorry, dogs! We will all hope for cooler weather later in the week.

Weather like this does make it easy to stay inside and get work done, though! I’ve finished working on HOUSE OF SHADOWS. I made a fair number of changes, added some worldbuilding and stuff — came to about 2000 words in additions, but it was a pretty short book to start with, so that’s no trouble. 115,000 words or so now.

So, over to Devi again! I think she’ll approve it the way it stands, so the next step will most likely be checking the copy edited version.

Meanwhile, back to my actual current (still titleless) WIP. I’ve been thinking about it and I think I will add a short chapter at the end, tie off Erest’s point-of-view story a bit more neatly. I think I will probably really benefit from some good old critical feedback pretty soon; got some good readers lined up who should be able to highlight anything that’s not working.

And you know what? Noting whether a story is working or not, and preferably taking a stab at what’s going wrong (if anything — but there’s always something) is the first job of an editor and it’s why I agree that editors are not dispensable.

Professional editors associated with a publishing house? You may be able to get away without one. Competent, critical, knowledgeable editors who can read analytically and give you some serious feedback? Feedback about the worldbuilding, the flow of the story, the pacing, the characters? You absolutely cannot get away without that.

Or at least, I can’t. Or at least, I wouldn’t want to try!

So, a few more weeks to get this manuscript in as good shape as I possibly can and then we’ll see what readers say.

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A tough weekend coming up —

I’m sending Bree to a new pet home on Sunday. This is one of the really tough parts about breeding dogs. She’s not just some puppy, you know! She’s three years old! But it’s not fair to ask a dog to live her whole life with just a fraction of my attention when she can be the center of attention for a whole family.

Bree should do great! And they are getting a great dog! Bree has three obedience titles — I’ve made up a loooong list of the commands she knows. I think her new people should have a great time learning how to talk to Bree. There’s nothing like training to bond a new dog to you (and bond you to a new dog) — and it’s fun when your new dog already knows how to heel and stay and take jumps and lie down with a little hand signal and so forth and so on.

But it’s going to be hard on Bree for a week or so, I know. And it’s going to be hard on me for longer than that.

Bree when she was one day old!

She’s the one on the right. Hard to believe she’s going to grow up into a real dog!

Bree at two months

Is there anything cuter than a puppy with a shoe?

One year old

Bree grew up into a solid, dependable, willing dog — easy to work with, easy to live with. She’s going to leave quite a hole in my pack for a while, no getting around it. But she is going to a local-ish family, so I should see her from time to time . . . and of course, she goes with the understanding that if she’s not happy in a couple of weeks, or if her new family EVER can’t keep her, she must come back to me.

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Love this —


You know, I love semicolons! But not as much as I used to. You know what I do now? I do a search through the manuscript and look at every single semicolon and colon and dash and decide whether I want to keep it or change it. This takes HOURS and is VERY BORING, but I think it’s worth it.

Also, every now and then? You do want to break a semicolon rule. Just from time to time, you want to use both an “and” and a semicolon at the same time. It just gives the exact right “feel” for the sentence — a sort of catch-and-drag. I guess I do this about once per two books, so not very often. Just every now and then.

I’ve let copy editors talk me out of doing a ” . . . ; and . . . ” construction before, though. Then I tend to notice a great writer do exactly the same thing I wanted to do. (I’m thinking of Robin McKinley here). That makes me swear to stick to my guns and break the rule if I want to.

I do wonder whether the occasional grammar whiz is bothered by it, though. Breaking this rule means you’re betting that nearly everybody will feel the catch in the sentence without noticing what you did to cause it.

It’s the same with other rules, of course. You can use a comma splice, especially in dialogue, to create a rushed, breathless feeling. I’ve done this, lots of writers have done this, not only am I doing it here right this minute but Gilman uses this technique in her wonderful Mrs Pollifax mysteries .

But this drives my mother NUTS and more than once, if I’m reading a book after her? She has MARKED THESE AS WRONG IN THE BOOK. IN PEN. That drives ME nuts. But at least it keeps me aware that some people are very very very bothered if you break a grammatical rule and totally do not think that the “feel” of the sentence or the “breathless” voice of the pov character justifies it.

And that is useful because it makes me think twice and three times before breaking a rule.

But I am still going to do it now and then. Please don’t mark up my books in pen when I do! It was deliberate, I swear!

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Important tip

Got a project to finish?

Don’t start reading Marsden’s Tomorrow series.

I had trouble getting the fifth book — I ordered it, but it went astray and I had to re-order — but it finally arrived. I DID manage to finish reading through the altered sections of my manuscript first, but then I must confess I put my own manuscript aside and read the fifth, sixth, and seventh books of the Tomorrow series in one fell swoop.

Whew. At least there’s only the seven, so now I’m done.

So back to the real world tonight (so to speak) . . . with the Tomorrow series entirely out of the way, SURELY I can finish the last manuscript read-through before Monday.

I’ll comment in more detail on the Tomorrow series later. At the moment, I’ll just say that it’s brilliantly written and entirely too addictive and these books may technically be YA, but if you don’t normally read YA, don’t let that stop you. I’m going to loan this series to my Dad next, and he’s not exactly in the normal YA target audience, but I bet he loves it.

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Recent reading

Also! In between finishing the first manuscript read-through and starting the second, Myra Grant’s book DEADLINE arrived. The sequel to FEED, right? Which I really enjoyed even though I found the bag guy INCREDIBLY obvious and also annoying, right?

So I grabbed Deadline when I had a break, especially because on July 2nd it was way too hot to do anything outside and I didn’t even take the dogs for a run at dusk the way I usually do in the summer (seriously, I hate to disappoint them, so that means it was really really hot). I handed out extra chew toys instead and sat on the couch in the air conditioning and read Deadline.

And I really enjoyed it! I stopped on page 380 to give myself a break, because it’s a long sucker, and finished it the next day before getting back to work on my own manuscript.

The pluses: nonstop action! great writing! great characters! I really liked Shaun as the protagonist. I really loved what Grant did with him. Loved the characters. Maggie’s a little over the top, but in a good way.

The minuses: once again villains I do not believe in. In the first book I didn’t believe in the bad guy because he was too campy and stereotyped; in this case I didn’t believe in the bad guys because OH COME ON THAT IS JUST OVER THE TOP. I am trying to avoid spoilers so no details, except apparently two can keep a secret if one of them is dead OR IF THEY ARE JUST SO EVIL AND THEN ANY NUMBER CAN KEEP A SECRET, I guess.

Also, worse — I get that explanations for the unbelievable stuff may be provided in the third book, but! Grant is going to have to come up with one WHOPPER of an explanation for how a clone remembers the life of the dead person it was cloned from. Because right now, it looks like this happens, and I have to tell you, I don’t believe it for a minute.

Clones, I’m fine with. Magic clones that are somehow adult copies of people who somehow remember every detail from the life of the person they were cloned from? Not so much.

Awaiting the third book now. I will enjoy it, I’m sure, but SO MUCH MORE if some plausible explanation is offered for the clone thing.

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Okay, now I’m bored

Well, not really. Yet. Quite. Getting there, though!

I have finished the first read-through for HOUSE OF SHADOWS! Whew! (It helped that the book I’m longing to read hasn’t yet arrived, so no distractions.)

I’ve read every word of the ms. and done plenty of work at the word-and-phrase level — changing “sure” to “certain” and back again, taking out semi-colons, you know the kinds of tiny little things you constantly fiddle with. Did some cutting (mostly description), but not much. Added a couple of thousand words — worldbuilding and stuff. Worked out the recent history in a bit more detail. Made some minor changes that weren’t suggested but that I think help smooth out the flow of events.

I think I have now addressed all of Devi’s concerns. So! Now I am re-reading all the added bits, polishing them and making sure they fit where I put them and that they are all doing their jobs.

So, so . . . I rather thought I might have the thing ready to go by today. But you know what? REALLY I should finish the current task, re-read Devi’s notes and make sure they’ve all been addressed, and then . . . sigh . . . I really ought to do a straight-from-the-top re-read ONE MORE TIME. That will take till about Friday, I expect.

After which I will definitely be bored with the manuscript. This is why going over the copy-edited version and then the page-proofs is not my favorite part: because by the time I get those, I really do think it is pretty tedious to go through the whole manuscript yet again.

Important, though! Yes, it is! I could describe, but do not want to put in print, how I feel when I see a typo on the page of the finished book. I’ll get my mother, who is a grammar whiz, to look at the page proofs, too. She likes to get a sneak preview and *I* don’t think you can proof too many times!

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Editorial comments and revisions

You know, I’ve had everything in editorial letters from “Virtually perfect as is, don’t change anything” to “Chapter five isn’t working, can you totally rewrite it?”

And that’s from editors, after my wonderful agent has already said things like “Can you maybe condense this fifty-page journey to five paragraphs or so?” and “The middle is slow, can you cut 10,000 words and maybe introduce a monster or something?”

It’s easiest to make changes when a) you agree that the change would be a good idea (this is nearly always the case for me); and b) the suggestions are very specific.

The House of Shadows editorial letter is definitely on the “easy” side of the spectrum. My editor does list some extremely specific suggestions, but I’ve barely looked at those yet because I’m dealing with the five general suggestions first. My quick glance over the specifics (“on p. 20 can you maybe delete this sentence?”) indicate that they’re are all going to have the same answer (“sure”), so there’s no rush for those. They’re trivial.

Here are the four general suggestions (boiled down):

1) Cut a little description from Nemienne’s and Taudde’s points of view, especially in earlier chapters.

2) Make Nemienne more decisive and make sure she doesn’t come across as wishy-washy.

3) Give the reader a little more on the history between the country of Lirionne and the country of Kalches (the tension between those countries is an important plot element).

4) Give the reader a bit more of a handle on the villain’s motivation.

I’m also doing a slow, careful read-through of the whole thing to check for continuity and typos and stuff (found three typos so far! “Pray” for “prey”, for example. Ugh. I expect the copy editor would have caught them, but ugh.)

So I’ve done about a third of the ms so far! New really obvious technique that I can’t believe I’ve never used before: All big chunks of added text are in red! That will make it easy for me to find them and think about them again later, and I bet my editor will also like being able to see the added text, too! (Next: think of some obvious technique to track deletions.)

Yesterday it took 2 hours to go through 20 pp! Wow, slooooow. But I added 1000 words or so, addressing some of the concerns listed above, and I’m fairly happy with the changes. And you know what? I’m also just kind of enjoying the book and even the process of revision. I don’t think I’ve looked at the ms for 2 years or so. I like it! Looking forward to seeing it hit the shelves next year!

I see there’s no excerpt of House of Shadows here on the website. That’s reasonable, ’cause when the website was put up, it wasn’t very close to its publication date. But getting to be about time to see about that, I imagine. In the meantime, I think maybe next week I’ll see about posting short excerpts from each main character’s point of view . . .

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The problem with gardening —

Is the sudden desperate need to find something to do with the pak choi, broccoli raab, the last of the snap peas, the first of the green beans, the amaranth (I tried amaranth last year — very easy to grow and self-sows EVERYWHERE, but the bean beetles love it and turn many leaves into lacework), etc, etc.

My favorite new vegetable? New to me, I mean? Daikon radishes. Love ’em! They’re turning out great! Way, way better than the little round red ordinary radishes, which didn’t work out at all this spring. The little radishes were too hard to cut with a knife by the time they were big enough to be worth picking! What gives? I may grow only daikons from now on.

The daikons are maturing right now. Here’s my favorite thing to do with them, so far. This is a fusion Thai-Sichuan recipe I made up, based on a recipe for spicy daikon slivers from Fushia Dunlop’s Land of Plenty.

10 rice paper wrappers
30 medium shrimp
8 oz daikon, grated
8 oz carrots, grated
1 tsp salt
2 tsp sugar
2 tsp Chinkiang black vinegar
1 Tbsp chile oil (Dunlop suggests 4 Tbsp! Much too hot for me!)
1-2 Tbsp sesame oil (Dunlop suggests 2 tsp)

Grate the daikon and carrot using a food processor. Place in a colander, sprinkle with salt, and toss. Leave for half an hour. Squeeze out excess liquid and place in bowl.

Combine the sugar, vinegar, chile oil, and sesame oil. Toss with daikon and carrots.

Peel and devein the shrimp, saute in butter or oil or whatever you like, and set aside.

Soak each rice paper wrapper in hot water for about 30 seconds, or until flexible. arrange about 2-3 Tbsp grated daikon-carrot mixture in a log shape near one side of the wrapper. Lay three shrimp on top. Roll up like a burrito. Set aside and repeat with remaining wrappers. You may have some daikon-carrot mixture left over. I’d say this is a generous but light lunch dish for two, or you could stretch the daikon-carrot mixture, add a couple more rice paper wrappers and a few more shrimp, and probably have enough for twelve rolls and three people.

I imagine crab or fake crab (surimi) or scallops or maybe even cooked chicken breast would probably work, too. I have lots more daikons in the garden, so I may try each of those in turn.

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The current WIP . . .

Has switched temporarily! Editorial comments on HOUSE OF SHADOWS have arrived! It’s been quite some time; I’m actually sort of looking forward to reading through the whole ms. (Alas, I’ll be bored with it again by the time it gets through the copy editing process.)

There’s no great rush, but I think I will take care of this first, THEN finish revising the new ms.

Here’s the book description Orbit’s using for HOUSE OF SHADOWS (comments below):


After their father’s death, two sisters must find their own fortunes. Karah’s seems secure as she has a place waiting for her in a glamorous Flower House. But Nemienne sees the world differently, as if on a slant, and no one will take her in until she meets the mage who will change everything in her life.

An apprenticeship means a home and survival, but can Nemienne trust the mage? And life in the Flower Houses turns out to be rife with unsuspected intrigue and subtle games of power. Now Karah and Nemienne find themselves at the center of a plot that threatens not only to upset the fragile futures they have found for themselves, but also to destroy their kingdom.

And then the arrival of a mysterious bard uncovers dangerous secrets that not even the mages suspect… even sleeping dragons must wake some day.


And you know what? There are actually three point of view characters in this book, and though the mysterious bard is one of them, Karah isn’t. You wouldn’t guess that at all from this, would you?

This gets at a whole huge topic: how to write back cover copy that sort of reflects what the book is about. Let me tell you, this is hard! It also isn’t actually the priority. The priority is trying to write something catchy. If it’s also accurate, that’s great! And if it’s more or less complete and doesn’t leave out somebody important, well, that’s icing on the cake.

From time to time, I’ve noticed a reader commenting that they were bothered because a major character didn’t appear in the back cover copy of a book. (This happens with THE CITY IN THE LAKE. Sorry! I wish it was possible to write perfect back cover copy!

Maybe when HOUSE OF SHADOWS actually comes out, I’ll hold a vote to pick the coolest character who doesn’t appear in the back cover copy . . .

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How far can you go in YA?

How grim can you be? How graphic? Can you kill important characters? Can you kill them in disturbing, gory ways?

Obviously, yes.

Should you?

After MOCKINGJAY came out, there was quite a lot of discussion about this. And then I happened to see a recent post over at Nathan Bransford’s blog, and that got me thinking about this topic again.

As it happens, I’m not personally too keen on authors who slaughter characters left and right for no good reason. Or set out to manipulate you and jerk your tears by introducing a very likable character specifically in order to kill them (I’m thinking of ALL Steven King’s recent books, here).

Or on authors who seem to be out to test your tolerance for gore, again for no special reason — just using gore as an end in itself. And, you know, this isn’t a YA thing as far as I know, but sometimes the torture scenes get so numerous the plot sort of disappears behind them? Which is kind of appalling, imho, because it actually winds up (for me) generating boredom with the torture, which is kind of not the reaction I prefer to have to reading about pain and suffering. I’m thinking of Laurell Hamilton here. But she’s very popular, of course, and fine! If lots of gore and sex and gore and violence and gore are what you like, great!

But I do think that there’s a tremendous difference in the TYPE of violence from book to book, and that this then makes a huge difference to the reading experience, and THIS hasn’t been addressed at all (that I know of) in discussions about violence in YA literature.

Let’s take only stories that include quite a lot of violence. One end of the spectrum, we have stories such as GRACELING which has plenty of violence, but it’s not going to hit too many “WAY TOO DISTURBING” buttons for most readers, I think. The main character, Katsa, is used by her king as a threat and a thug, but she loathes being used that way, rebels, goes off on her own, and winds up facing the REAL thug in the book. GRACELING is not going to give too many readers nightmares, and I think part of the reason for this is that the book’s underlying message are normative, prosocial, and not at all disturbing: It’s wrong to force your will on others, it’s right to go to the limit to protect the helpless. These are not challenging themes (not that there’s anything wrong with that! I *like* prosocial themes!)

DIVERGENT is a little more disturbing, but not much. The conflict between putting others first and putting yourself first sets up an interesting theme, which I expect to unfold through the sequel(s). The main character, Tris, thinks of herself as selfish, and in some ways she even IS selfish — and, as Thea at The Book Smugglers pointed out, that’s actually kind of refreshing. When Tris refuses to forgive that guy for trying to kill her? Well, hey, trying to murder a rival isn’t actually very forgivable, you know? There is quite a bit of cruelty in the story, but in DIVERGENT, I think the quick pace, the excitement, and the fundamental lack of realism offset both the cruelty inflicted on the characters and the cruelty they inflict on each other.

THE HUNGER GAMES is something else again. The slower pace draws you into a far more detailed and far more believable world, the society is just about the most oppressive EVER, and the situation into which Katniss is dumped is way more awful than anything in DIVERGENT or GRACELING. Interestingly, we get a conflict between selfishness / selflessness here as well, but overall we get far more challenging themes in THE HUNGER GAMES. For example, Suzanne Collins slams home (in MOCKINGJAY) the idea that although war is sometimes absolutely necessary, it is still awful and brutalizes everyone involved. I think the greater plausibility of the world and the greater complexity of the themes add a big impact and, to my mind, make the cruelty and violence in the book much more disturbing.

Elizabeth Wein pushes the limits of violence and cruelty on a much smaller scale in THE SUNBIRD, which is not a dystopian novel (it’s an adventure story, more like GRACELING than like DIVERGENT or THE HUNGER GAMES, although not much like any of the three). The setting (the African country of Aksum) is wonderful, and wonderfully detailed. The main character, Telemakos, is a contender for coolest-main-character-in-all-YA-fantasy. The writing is flawless. Oh, this is a great book! But some of the cruelty that Telemakos witnesses, and some he suffers, really push the envelope. It’s bad enough I hesitate to spell it out. But I don’t think this book got the buzz of those above (unfairly!), so probably many fewer people have read it, so here goes:

In one scene, Telemakos witnesses a slave boy, a porter, being whipped for clumsiness and dropping things. This is a boy who was in the wrong place and heard the wrong thing, and just a day or so previously his master cut out his tongue and cut off his hands, so he could neither speak nor write. THEN he was beaten for dropping things.

This is a historical novel (well, historical-ish). Is that level of, I don’t know, indifferent, thoughtless cruelty historical accurate? Probably. Is it okay in a YA novel? Well, I loved the book, and highly recommend it. Would I let my kids read it, if I had kids? Probably. These awful scenes are redeemed, for me, because none of the main characters take them lightly or find them at all acceptable — and also because they are all wrapped up with main plot (they are not gratuitous, they are not there just to shock the reader). Would I expect kids to have nightmares about this scene. Umm . . . wouldn’t be surprised.

Okay, one more: The TOMORROW series by John Marsden, starting with TOMORROW, WHEN THE WAR BEGAN and proceeding through six sequels. These aren’t dystopian, exactly, though people who love dystopias would probably love them. They’re adventure. Not fantasy, not exactly SF, the idea is that some unnamed (nonexistent in our world) country suddenly moved to conquer modern-day Australia, and a group of kids who were camping in the bush and didn’t get swept up with everyone else wind up on their own, doing guerrilla stuff to fight back. This series doesn’t have the horrifically oppressive Capital of THE HUNGER GAMES, run by the extraordinarily evil President Snow, nor does it have any individual scenes of such overwhelming cruelty as THE SUNBIRD (so far; I’ve read the first four). What it does have, in spades, is realism in the emotional reactions and interactions of the main characters. Like when an enemy soldier is going to rape one of the girls and another whaps him on the head with a rock and he dies, slowly, without regaining consciousness — the emotional reactions of the kids as they watch him die is SO VERY BELIEVABLE. This sort of thing happens over and over and it is ALL totally believable and feels totally true to life and just RIGHT. (How does Marsden DO this? I am so jealous!) And it is this quality of total believability on a human level which gives this series such tremendous punch.

And the TOMORROW series also works for me because once again the themes and underlying messages are positive: it may be totally necessary to kill somebody, in fact pacifism might be totally wrong, but it’s not easy, not okay, not something you’re going to recover from instantly. Or even at all. In that sense, the message of the TOMORROW series are an awful lot like like the ones in MOCKINGJAY.

For me, the more believable the setting and the characters, the more powerful the violence. And the themes. And the reading experience.

Appropriate, NON-gratuitous violence is part and parcel of all the books above; it’s inextricable not just from the plots but from the themes. It’s part of what makes them effective; removing it or even toning down the violence and cruelty from these books would make them not just sanitized, but also ineffective or even “unwritable”, as they really could not exist in such a form.

And that’s how it should be, I think, if an author answers the “Should you?” question with a “Yes, I should.”

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