Okay, so here’s the basically final draft of the cover for the Griffin Mage #2 —
You can see the artist’s watermarks are still there, but basically this is the cover. I’m considering how to re-do the back cover copy, and this is, as always, something of a challenge. I’m also considering fonts. I have this set at Garamond 11 right now, which is small, but I hope not too small? It drops the page count to 410, where otherwise it would be like 480 or something, which seems awfully long. The printing cost does go up per page. Honestly, since I now need reading glasses for practically any normal-sized font in any printed book, from Garamond 10 to TNR 12, it seems kind of okay. Anybody got strong opinions about that?
ANYWAY, here is the current back cover copy:
In the aftermath of a brutal war, Gereint of Casmantium watches his city crumble. He knows little of how his king sought, unwisely, to use griffins as pawns in a human conflict. Yet Gereint does know that his kingdom’s defeat offers him a chance to escape from servitude.
But now that the griffins find themselves in a position of strength, they are not inclined to forgive, and the entire kingdom finds itself in deadly peril. Willing or not, Gereint will find himself caught up in a desperate struggle between the griffins and the last remaining Casmantian mage. Time is short, for the fiery wind of the griffins is already burying Casmantium beneath burning sands …
I think I can do better than this. Not that this will be easy! But I think I should at least try to do better.
Let me see. All right, what do you think of this:
***
The cold mages of Casmantium began a war against the griffins, intending to reclaim the burning desert for their own country. They lost.
Gereint Enseichen, a skilled maker bound under the Casmantian geas of servitude, knows nothing of broader events. As the griffins’ desert sands blow through the crumbling streets of his city, he seizes the chance to escape. This isn’t his battle — or he sees no reason it should be.
But the griffins, having found an unanswerable weapon, will not stop, and before the storm of their fury, all Casmantium finds itself in deadly peril. When Gereint finds himself caught between the fury of the griffins and the desperate designs of the last Casmantian mage, he’ll have no choice but to set his newfound freedom at hazard, or watch his country destroyed.
Time is short, for the griffins’ fiery wind is already burying Casmantium beneath burning sands …
***
There are thinks I like about this attempt, but I don’t like everything about it.
Comments? Suggestions?
Please Feel Free to Share:
I like how this version is a lot more specific and immediate about Gereint’s situation and his dilemma. I would love for the back cover copy to find some way of introducing Tehre, because the awesome lady engineer is one of the key things that stuck in my memory from this book. Unfortunately I don’t remember enough to make a really good recommendation!
Maybe a bit along these lines: but there’s a third player who won’t be left out, the engineering ..err.. what was she called, not a mage, I don’t think? – Tehre who has her own ideas. ?
Two sides are common. Three are unusual and would get my attention, if i were browsing.
And I’m trying to avoid signaling romantic relationship, as that’s not where the focus is. Well, actually because if it were me browsing and seeing that, odds of my NOT picking up the book increase.
Is the watermark over the right foreleg & bottom right wing? The griffin mostly looks good, but not that part of those limbs. The leg is suddenly body-builder muscular, and seems to be made of a different substance, too, from how the light is handled on it. Flips back to the post about Volume 1 – yeah, that same foreleg looks weird there, too. At least the artist is consistent.
I am not an artist myself, but the Teen has been drawing and painting various winged creatures for years and years, I’ve had a lot of practice looking at them.
“an unanswerable weapon” seems like unclear/unusual phrasing to me.
I’m also not sure about the last sentence in the first Gereint paragraph. Maybe try “and” instead of “or”? I understand why you picked “or,” but it reads awkwardly. I also think that you don’t need both this sentence and the fact that Gereint “knows nothing of broader events”. Both of these things are establishing his dissociation from the war.
Also, for “or watch his country destroyed,” perhaps either “or watch his country be destroyed” or “or see his country destroyed”
Thanks for your comments! I’m going to take another stab at this. I would really like to get Tehre into the description. It’s hard to do even when I’m thoroughly familiar with the story!
That is a VERY cool cover.