How to write a blurb for someone else’s book

So, I was recently … semi-recently, I got behind for this sort of thing … but some time ago, I was asked to blurb an upcoming book for another author, and I said sure, and I’ve (finally) read the book and so now I am musing about how to write this blurb.

So, I happened across this funny and yet potentially helpful post at Writer Unboxed: How to Blurb Someone’s Book, which offers a helpful template, thus:

[TITLE] by [AUTHOR] is __________

(choose one)

1. an emotional tour-de-force
2. a pure laugh riot
3. a chilling vision of things to come
4. a rollicking adventure
5. a non-stop rollercoaster ride (the loop-de-loop kind, even; don’t get me wrong, though, wooden coasters are cool, too)
6. more suspenseful than when your in-laws’ car won’t start just as they’re about to head home
7. a cry for help
8. sturdily bound, printed in an inoffensive typeface

that will leave you __________

1. on the edge of your seat!
2. behind at the scene of the crime, police sirens rapidly approaching.
3. begging for more!
4. drowning in your own tears : (
5. staring blankly into the void, waiting for death.
6. mentally casting the movie adaptation.
7. reaching for a stiff drink.
8. home alone on Christmas, defending the house against incompetent burglars.

Do yourself a favor and __________

1. buy this book.
2. buy two of this book.
3. at least pirate the ebook version.
4. call up the New York Times and politely ask if they could please help you understand why they only gave the author’s last book two stars despite its obvious brilliance, and could they perhaps run a correction and apology.
5. maybe also pick up my book, which is kinda similar and has a 3.81 on Goodreads.

So that’s not exactly helpful, but I hope you enjoy stringing some of these together!

XXXX by YYYY is a cry for help that will leave you staring blankly into the void, waiting for death. Do yourself a favor and at least pirate the ebook version.

is certainly not a blurb anybody would want to see on their own book, but possibly we can think of books we might have suffered through that might deserve it.

Bonus tip: Do not pirate the ebook version.

I should add, the actual book I just read deserves much better! But I guess I will have to put a blurb together without a helpful fill-in-the-blank template.