Okay, obviously I may still tweak this a little, especially if any of you point to any possible weaknesses. But, very similar to the version that got a lot of thumbs ups from you all:
It’s a long way from the northern mountains back to the summer lands — and all the challenges Aras left behind are waiting. Worse, no matter how Aras handles those problems, the summer king’s judgment of his actions is certain to be harsh.
Released from every vow he ever swore to Aras, Ryo could remain among his own people. But he can’t abandon Aras to confront his king alone — especially as the struggle they endured in the land of the shades still haunts them both.
Then, as they journey south, Ryo realizes that Aras may be losing control of his sorcery. Even if Ryo can persuade the summer king to moderate his judgment, that may be only the beginning of the challenges they face. If Aras’ strength of will fails, even Ugaro stubbornness may not be enough to prevent disaster …
There.
I’m not crazy about the phrase “moderate his judgment.” Any suggestions there?
I usually try to avoid possessives with names ending in -s, so I may fiddle around just a little with that last sentence in an attempt to avoid that.
But overall, based on your feedback, I think this is good enough that I’ll start mentioning on social media that Tasmakat is available for preorder.
You can all be pleased about the price, by the way. I intended to set the price a bit higher than this, but it turns out that if you go for 70% royalties, then $9.99 is the top price you can set on the book. I had no idea. I would be tempted to split Tasmakat into two books after all, but I REALLY wanted to set it up for a preorder long in advance.
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Sounds great to me! I played around with “moderate his judgement”, but I couldn’t find anything I liked better:
Even if Ryo can persuade the summer king to…..
… be merciful
… be moderate in his judgement
… go easy on Aras
… judge Aras kindly
… soften his judgement
… not be too harsh
Some of these are quite bad! I think it’s fine as is.
Thanks, Elise! I thought of “be merciful,” and I might go with that. I actually like “judge Aras kindly” too. We’ll see! But for now, I’ll quit pestering KDP by updating the description every ten minutes.
I agree with the mercy suggestions. “show mercy”? I also like “judge Aras kindly”
I would prefer the third paragraph start with “But,” rather than “Then,” just as a stronger contrast (and to show it’s a real problem!)
The $9.99 limit is startlingly low!
Mary Beth, I was going back and forth about that, so maybe I’ll change it back. But not today!
And I know! I was definitely going to set the price a bit higher than that. Really, maybe I should have cut it in half after all. Or thirds. But whatever, I guess I’ll just go with it the way it is.
I like the blurb. I really want to read this book!
One suggestion – in the last paragraph, where you say:
“…that may be only the beginning of the challenges they face.”
I keep getting hung up on the “be only”. My mind wants it to say “only be”. That may just be my personal preference, but to me it would flow better switched around.
Thank you, Melanie, I may like that better too. I’ll think about that.
Maybe, “Even if Ryo can incline/move the summer king to leniency/mercy” (The slash is meant to show alternatives, not to use both at the same time.)