Okay, thank you all for your comments.
This version is a lot more spoilery. Too much so? You be the judge!
It’s a long way from the northern mountains back to the summer lands — and all the problems Aras left behind are waiting. Worse, no matter how Aras handles those problems, the summer king’s judgment of his actions is certain be harsh.
Released from every vow he ever swore to Aras, Ryo could stay with his own people. But he can’t let Aras face the coming confrontation alone — especially as the struggle they faced in the land of the shades still haunts them both.
But as they journey south, Ryo realizes that Aras may be losing control of his sorcery. Even if Ryo can persuade the summer king to moderate his judgment, that may be only the beginning of the challenges they face. If Aras’ strength of will fails, even Ugaro stubbornness may not be enough to prevent disaster …
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No! I really like it.
I like the additional paragraph at the end a lot. It really caught my attention.
Ooh, this one’s definitely stronger. I like it. (Missing the “to” in “certain to be harsh” of the first para’s last sentence, though.)
Yes, this is much more compelling!
I really like the last paragraph. It reminds me of things I particularly liked about the series: Aras’ strength of will and Ryo’s stubborn nature. I see it’s up for pre-order now – I have clicked and hope I don’t really have to wait till next July …
Thank you all, and also thanks, Maigen, I’m sure I would have missed the missing “to.”
Sorry, next July is the real release date, lots to do and I want to give myself plenty of time to do revisions … and proofing … and more proofing … and more proofing …
I also like this one better, it’s much more interesting.
I like this one, and the hint in the last paragraph is not too spoilery, it just whets the appetite to find out more.
I would replace one of the two instances of the word “problems” in the first two sentences with a synonym, maybe “difficulties”.
Easily one of your best blurbs. And the last paragraph!
I guess it’s not too spoilery!
I don’t think this one is too spoilery at all, and the last paragraph provides a devastating hook!
I did notice some repetition you may want to reconsider. Three uses of “face / facing” problems (“can’t let Aras face the coming confrontation alone” / “the struggle they faced in the land of the shades” / “the beginning of the challenges they face.”) I think you could easily cut the second (“their struggle in the land of the shades”) and maybe punch up the first (“he can’t abandon Aras to stand alone” or something?)
Thank you, Mary Beth!
All your comments have been so helpful! I’ll tweak the description as you all recommend and call it good!
oooh, yes, I like this a lot more! I think this is less “spoilers” and more “reminding the reader about all the things they were speculating about at the end of the previous book” – I don’t remember if you had any of the characters who trust Aras explicitly say they were worried that he was losing control, but putting that sentence there makes me go, “Oh yeah! *That’s* what was happening near the end of Tarashana, I remember that whole scene now, that’s one of the things I really wanted to find out about in the next book!” It’s much more exciting than just reminding me they were going south, which was my main takeaway from the previous version.