Well, shoot, here’s something I bumped into when putting Tasmakat up for preorder: the need to write the back cover description.
So I wrote the description really fast. I will undoubtedly tweak it, especially as you all generally have excellent suggestions. Perhaps you will again. Please consider the following:
It’s a long journey from the northern border of the winter country all the way back to the summer lands — and every problem Aras left behind will be waiting for the moment he sets foot on the southern bank of the river.
Released from every vow he ever swore to Aras, Ryo might stay with his own people, but he can’t let Aras face every waiting challenge alone — especially as the struggle they faced together in the land of the shades still haunts them both.
But even the journey to the capital of the summer country will only be the beginning …
What do you think? Remember, the point is not to be accurate — though reasonable accuracy is desirable, of course. The point is to make the book sound like something readers would want to buy.
I’m assuming that the majority of readers who finish Tarashana will be inclined to click through to Tarashana and buy it regardless of the back cover description. Nevertheless, I’d like to the description to be reasonably enticing. So how about it? Comments, please.
Please Feel Free to Share:
Maybe don’t use ‘every’ twice. ‘All the way back’- there has to be a shorter way to put that. It can be concise but still enticing .
I had the same thought as Alison. There are only three sentences, and “every” appears three times in the first two sentences. How about:
It’s a long journey from the northern border of the winter country back to the summer lands — and the problems Aras left behind will be waiting for the moment he sets foot on the southern bank of the river.
Released from every vow he ever swore to Aras, Ryo might stay with his own people, but he can’t let Aras face the waiting challenges alone — and they still have unfinished business from the land of the shades that haunts them both.
But even the journey to the capital of the summer country will only be the beginning …
Thank you, Alison!
The repetition of some words leapt out at me (journey, waiting, challenge), and I personally find “will be waiting” less compelling than the present tense.
Please take any suggested revisions with a grain of salt if not a shot of tequila.
________
It’s a long
journey(replace with “way”? something like that.) from the northern border of the winter country all the way back to the summer lands — and every problem Aras left behindwill be waiting (replace with “waits”) for (add “him”) the moment he sets foot on the southern bank of the river. (So what? Are they serious problems? Should I care?)Released from every vow he ever swore to Aras, Ryo might stay with his own people, but he can’t let Aras face
every waiting challenge(replace with “problem” or “issue” or something else that sounds more serious than “challenge”) alone — especially as the struggle they faced together in the land of the shades still haunts them both.But
eventhe journey to the capital of the summer country will only be the beginning … (of what? His problems? A struggle?)———–
My main problem is that I don’t see what’s at stake, and I need to know that before I can become engaged. I think my problem with “challenge” is that it can be good or bad but doesn’t sound necessarily like something that’s high stakes.
Yikes!
That didn’t work as intended, to put it mildly.
—–
It’s a long
journey(replace with “way”? something like that.) from the northern border of the winter country all the way back to the summer lands — and every problem Aras left behindwill be waiting(replace with “waits”) for (add “him”) the moment he sets foot on the southern bank of the river. (So what? Are they serious problems? Should I care?)Released from every vow he ever swore to Aras, Ryo might stay with his own people, but he can’t let Aras face every waiting
challenge(replace with “problem” or “issue” or something else that sounds more serious than “challenge”) alone — especially as the struggle they faced together in the land of the shades still haunts them both.But
eventhe journey to the capital of the summer country will only be the beginning … (of what? His problems? A struggle?)Well, I’m one of those readers who’s going to buy it no matter what it says, but this summary isn’t really hooking me… I think it’s because it doesn’t really tell me much about what sort of problems or events they will encounter?
The “might” is also throwing me… are you sure you don’t want to say Ryo “could” stay with his people? The “might” makes it sound like you want me to believe it’s possible he will stay, but my recollection (possibly inaccurate?) from the end of Tarashana was that he was pretty resolved to go, at least temporarily… and also, the fact that this book exists seems like good evidence that he goes along on the journey.
Also, since “Aras” is used first and more often than “Ryo”, it sets me up to expect this book to be mostly Aras’ POV, but I think you said in some previous posts that it’s Ryo’s POV?