Oh, I’m glad I happened to spot a link to this post!
I’m absolutely certain you all want to see the winners for the Bulwer Lytton Contest this year.
Here is the Grand Prize winner:
Her Dear John missive flapped unambiguously in the windy breeze, hanging like a pizza menu on the doorknob of my mind.
Lisa Kluber, San Francisco, CA
There are, of course, lots of other winners. Let me see … quite a few fun entries … I like this one, from the Romance category —
It had been fifty-seven days since Madi left him, and still her stinging parting words slithered through Brett’s mind and echoed jarringly in the emptiness of his life like a half-frozen iguana falling out of a tree in an unseasonable Cozumel cold snap.
Lisa Hanks, Euless, TX
Here, I think, is my actual favorite:
“Dilly, Dilly,” Nelda sobbed, “Tell me you still care, Dilly,” as his blood spurted rhythmically onto her freshly-starched, pink pinafore—the one given to her on her 16th birthday by her maternal grandmother, Nana Gertrude, the one she had worn the previous Sunday to the witch dunking, the one she swore never to stain— which was now permanently stained, but she mused that it didn’t matter since it was in the same color family.
Pat DuVal, Arlington, VA